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Lastly, my wife doesn’t like having sex if she knows any of the kids are awake. Locking the door to our room isn’t enough of a mental/physical barrier. So at this point, it’s a matter of endurance (staying awake longer than our teenagers). With our busy schedules, we are both tired and end up falling asleep before them regularly. When we do manage to stay awake, the sex is quiet and groggy. There are a lot of instances in which you may be looking to try ball stretchers but don’t know where to start!

As they fumble along and learn, watchdogs like Internet of Dongs have sprung up in an attempt to keep track of the risks and help consumers. But sex toy companies, like most IoT companies, are still largely left to police themselves. "In the IoT space, [teledildonics] is one of the biggest threats that exists," says Amie Stepanovich, US policy manager at the nonprofit advocacy group Access Now. Researchers have demonstrated how easy it is to hack into popular products time and again. "These devices, like other IoT devices, are being produced by companies that have never connected products to the internet before," Stepanovich says.

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